"Quite honestly, for those of us in the D & D community, this is gonna be the greatest contribution to our game since the invention of Fiddle Faddle," declared 34-year-old hobby shop worker and Dungeon and Dragons enthusiast Hubert Yang. "Now I canít think of any reason to stop gaming . . . except maybe for when my mom calls me down for dinner!"

Technicians at I.F.G.I. spent two billion dollars and over a decade working on the groundbreaking dice, even though many in the gaming community doubted whether a die consisting of more than 20 sides was even scientifically possible. Most famous among these doubters was Axis and Allies fan and Dungeon Grand-Master Stephen Hawking, who wrote a paper while at Oxford outlining the quantum physics of gaming dice; he claimed that "a polyhedral die with over 20 sides would supply results so varied and unpredictable, a physical manifestation of the universe's chaos theory would be created, thus nullifying the physical reality of gamers. Oh and also the galaxy could collapse in on itself. Pursuing this course of action would be reckless. Perhaps even foolhardy!!"

Foolhardiness aside, the scientists at I.F.G.I. bravely pressed on, even after several accidents occurred while developing a prototype for the 24-sided die-- resulting in the deaths of 12 graduate students and, even more tragically, the loss of tenure for one Medieval History professor. Finally, the team made a scientific breakthrough so bold it makes the mapping of the genetic code seem like an experiment with Sea Monkeys: the I.F.G.I produced the world's first 24-sided die by smelting plutonium together with a beat-up old golf ball.

The invention couldnít come at a better time for the world of fantasy gaming, as the popularity of games like Dungeons and Dragons has fallen to a twelve-year low. This is due in part to reports linking these products to Satanism, as well as the TV-movie "Mazes and Monsters." The harshest blow, however, came from the fact that free and easy access to Ecstasy has provided teens with not only a much more fun and active fantasy life to live in, but also one that almost certainly guarantees they'll get laid. Thankfully, most realize that it was actually the lack of a 24-sided die that caused the game to stagnate for so long. Now, wood-paneled basements and Chemistry Department break rooms will again be abuzz with the exciting new possibilities presented by the new dice.

"My friends laughed at me," says Eric Wallen, a 29-year old Radio Shack employee who's also an 18th level Mystical Elf named Bilbo Bezzlebug with a +100 immunity to magic spells. "They said I was wasting my life with this role-playing stuff and I was almost to the point where I was gonna give up on my usual Saturday night D&D game and actually ask a girl out on a date, but now with these new dice I won't have to. Whoís laughing now, huh?"