"Quite honestly, weíre shocked," said Jim T. Miller, President of Hanes Inc., in a phone interview today. "We thought our white sleeveless tees well represented the white trash/spousal abuse demographic." This decision ends a legendary 30-year association with the "wife-beater" shirt, typified by its cut off sleeves, plunging neckline and easily shrinkable fabric that accentuates the wearerís tiny muscles. It officially became known as the "wife-beater" in 1968 when Ike Turner was signed on as a celebrity spokesperson for the line.

The white sleeveless T-shirt's connection to domestic violence was further solidified thanks to the television show Cops, which featured mayonnaise sandwich-eating, crystal meth-smoking white trash being arrested and led away in cuffs, clad only in their underwear, mullet hairdos and ubiquitous "wife-beater" T-shirts.

It is expected that Hanes and Fruit of the Loom will now nickname the white sleeveless T-shirt "the Goomba," in honor of the turn-of-the-century Italian Americans who first popularized the top as not only underwear, but outerwear as well.

A.S.A.S. spokesman Randy "Bubba" Wentworth apologized to Hanes and Fruit of the Loom, but declared that "they had it coming." Mr. Wentworth felt that the white sleeveless had lost touch with the wife-beating masses. "I mean, I turn on the damn T.V., and thereís them Backstreet Boys or In Sync or whatever you call 'em, thems wearing wife-beaters! Iím vacationing in New York City, down in the West Village--now Iím with my family mind you--and thereís all these damn queers running around, theyíre wearing wife-beaters too! And they donít even have no wives!! Iím sorry, but these types of people just give spousal abuse a bad name."

In response, the A.S.A.S. broke with tradition and chose the mesh half-shirt, a bizarre garment not seen since the mid-Eighties, as the official "wife-beater" of the 21^st century. "Anybody can wear a white sleeveless T nowadays," explained Bubba. "But to wear a mesh half-shirt, well shoot, you gotta be one crazy-ass hick to wear one of them."

Cletus Pollard, the owner of Cletusís T-Shirt Shop in Joplin, Missouri--the only company in America still making mesh half-shirts--was asked how this decision will affect his sales. His comments intrigued market analysts: "Oh Yeah!! Rock On! Iron Maiden Rules!!"

Charles Stillwater III, chief Textile Industry Analyst for JP Morgan, explains. "While his reference to the heavy metal group Iron Maiden is somewhat perplexing, his over-ebullient tone is spot-on. The white trash demographic is the most lucrative and sought-after group in the undershirt industry. With their constant chewing tobacco stains and propensity to get into knife fights at the local honky-tonk, theyíre constantly having to buy new shirts."

The torch has been passed, but the future of the old "wife-beater" remains uncertain. Millions of dollars and thousands of T-shirt three-packs hang in the balance for Hanes and Fruit of the Loom, but market analysts still expect the product line to perform strongly this summer, the traditional wife-beating season, thanks to events such as the Indy 500, the "OzzFest" tour and WWFís Backlash pay-per-view extravaganza.