These war games could not be more ill-timed, unfortunately, as the region's arms race to develop an appetizer of mass destruction has reached critical mass, with neighbor India reportedly perfecting a thermonuclear "curry bomb" and nearby Kashmir's recent acquisition of plans for the M-57 Jalapeno Popper Rocket.

To make matters worse, the Atomic Wing recipe was apparently leaked by a  T.G.I. Fridayís waiter named Scott Crumley who divulged the key combination of herbs, spices and gasoline to a group of Pakistani spies while explaining the day's specials to three men claiming to be in town for a "carpeting convention."

With the U.S. Justice Department set to prosecute Mr. Crumley for high treason in the next few months, the recently defrocked Friday's "Employee of the Month" seemed genuinely repentant. "I'm really bummed about what I did and stuff," he said while on a cigarette break behind the restaurant. "Especially since my supervisor just took away my ëkiller appsí security clearance. Do you know what that means, dude?! Now I can't push appetizers any more potent than Swedish Meatballs or Fried Mozzarella Sticks. I feel bad that all those people over in India might die 'cause of my carelessness, but now my tables are gonna suffer 'cause I can't guarantee them a decent starter for their meal. ManÖI really blew it big time."

Meanwhile, Pakistan leader General Pervez Musharraf has flatly denied his country's involvement in the entire affair, saying, "Akiirta pana ya karmoneya deyatta narasi narasi naabhiidsaani de Ö mmm, mmm. Oh, Iím sorry, it's rude of me to talk with my mouth full, but these sumnabitches is tasty. Anyway, as I was saying, we donít know anything about these so-called Atomic Wings."

The United Nations, however, has wasted no time in unanimously condemning Pakistan for their act of aggression, with Secretary-General Kofi Annan declaring, "I think this is a horrible, horrible crisis and not just because I summoned out of bed at 3:00 am to address this emergency meeting either. Not since Saddam Hussein tried to steal the U.S.'s Jiffy-Pop technology to blow up Buckingham Palace have I witnessed such a brazen attempt to use a delicious snack food to inflict pain and misery on othersÖExcept maybe for the creation of pizza-flavored Combos. Anyway, we urge all countries surrounding Pakistan to coat their borderlands in blue cheese and arm themselves with surface-to-air celery missiles so as to deflect the potency of these deadly wings. Also," Secretary-General Annan added, "get yourselves plenty of napkins too, 'cause them wings is mighty messy."